And Truth Be Told, I Never Was Yours
by Accidentally Targaryen
Summary: Aro keeps his coven collected by the use of their gifts. Chelsea make emotional ties between all of them and Corin makes them feel content with where they are. However, Alec has always been able to see through the illusion, so what happens when he suddenly breaks free of the powers binding him to Volturi and he has to think for himself?


The Volturi was a proud coven. It was one of the largest covens in the world, which Aro made sure of at all times, and they were definitely the most powerful. It was all a lie, an illusion. They were not there of their own free will. They all knew, somewhere in the back of their minds, but Corin kept them all content with staying with the Volturi while Chelsea made them all feel connected, like a true coven. Alec never spoke of this with anyone but his sister, and even with her, he was careful. Jane was loyal to Aro, saw him as a father just as Alec did, but she could not see how they were being manipulated. Alec could not help but fear that his feelings for Aro were nothing but what Chelsea made him feel. It was brainwash, and he had seen it several times, when new members joined them. He tried to shake it off, tried to see through it as if it was a fog having drifted over his mind. He could feel the fog, feel the pretences and lies, but he could not break through. He had been content for too long, listened and followed for too long. But Alec was not one to follow. He liked power, he wanted power, and he wanted it to be his. He could take out an entire room of vampires, and when he stood guard, he could imagine that he did it. He could see for his inner eye that shadowy mist lay around the entire throne room and he could just walk out, be free.  
He stopped letting Aro read his mind, and Aro let him. It wasn't reluctantly, and it made him wonder. Everything that took some sort of power away from Aro was only accepted with reluctance and ulterior motives, but he did not seem to doubt Alec's loyalty, and that tore at his heart. How could he betray Aro? Aro who no matter what was the only father figure he had, and who trusted him so, as if he cared for Alec. As if he was something else than just another guard with a useful talent.

He sat on the outer wall of Volterra, watching the full moon rise. His legs dangled over the edge of the wall which was broad enough for him to lean back on the support of his hands. Out here, he could think. It seemed like the fog was clearing away, but like a swamp, it did not want to leave his mind completely, just enough for him to see the other side, to see a life without being bound, without being insecure. He acted well enough, teasing, arrogant, manipulating, calculating. He was feared, the most powerful and dangerous vampire on earth he was called, and he loved it, but why could he not be given a choice? He never had been. When he was a kid, he never had the choice of making friends. They were all afraid of him, and the more they shunned him, the more bad things happened to them. He had tried not to be angry with them, to be understanding, but Jane could not, and they would be punished anyway. So Alec had learned that he only had his sister.  
They had lived for long. Back then, witches were burned frequently, so he was surprised they had made it to their twelfth summer before the village had finally had enough.  
He remembered the fire. He remembered the heat licking against his skin, and how he was almost freezing in the summer air because the fire by his feet was so warm and the air so cold. He remembered looking at the villagers, their grins. He could still hear their shouts, their glee of being done with the two witches who had terrorised them. He had closed his eyes then. He closed off the world, the sounds, the feeling of the fire. He remembered smiling when the fire left his senses, when the smell of burned flesh disappeared and the pain vanished. He heard his sister scream, not in pain, but in anger, and he clung to that anger as the only reality in his head until he felt arms around him.  
He had opened his eyes, not to find hell or heaven, but to find Chelsea. She was looking worried, but that was not what he noticed. He saw the white skin, the red eyes, and he knew he had nothing to fear. He let her cradle him, his sister besides him and then in his arms when she refused to let Chelsea hold around her. He could not hold himself up, his legs burning and hurting, but he still ignored it, focused on the fact that Chelsea had no smell, that her voice was melodic and her skin was so so cold.  
Aro smiled when he came over, and Jane backed away, into Alec's chest. She was scared of the blood, but Alec could feel in her that she was gleeful in the knowledge that this was the blood of the people who'd tried to kill them. Alec mourned them, the people who had defined him, created him. He said no such thing to Aro when he offered them eternity, and he did not complain when Jane accepted for the both of them.  
She screamed, never handled pain well, and Alec held her hand, soothing her until she did not scream anymore. Aro looked at him then, as if expecting him to refuse the change after seeing his sister suffer. But what Aro could not understand was that Alec would do anything for his sister. He would sit in silence when every nerve in his body screamed in pain to soothe her, and he would follow her to a world of pain to have eternity with her, so he bared his neck and felt Aro's teeth sink into his skin.  
First, darkness had consumed him, but then the fire erupted, shooting through his veins, engulfing him in flame, but he felt no pain. He did not scream, but followed the fire through his body, felt how it made him stronger, made him indestructible and powerful. He liked the fire, embraced the pain he knew came of it as it licked his insides and transformed him. Even as Aro had questioned him, Alec had felt it had not been his choice. Jane had taken that choice away from him when she became a vampire, when she left him in the dust.

Chelsea came and sat beside him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and stilled the legs which had been swinging in the open air. "I can feel it every day," she told him softly, and he dared not open his eyes. He let her hand fall around his shoulder, soft and yielding like it hadn't been when she pulled him from his funeral pyre. "I can feel you trying to break free. Do you not want to be here anymore?" She asked, and he hated how she sounded hurt. She had always been the one to take care of them. She could create all the bonds she wanted, but she could not create new feelings in herself, and Alec could feel the care she had for him and his sister. As if she could see them burning every day like he could.

"I want to be given a choice. I want to be here because it's home, not because you're making me," he opened his eyes and looked at her, pleaded with her. The emotion felt foreign to him. There was no space for pleading or weakness in the Volturi, but there was in Chelsea's heart, and he knew that heart well enough to take advantage of it. "Please let me go Chelsea." He looked down again, let his lashes move slowly to bring out the guilt in Chelsea. He knew he should feel bad, that he should give her the choice as he wanted his own, but he had been here too long. He knew what he wanted, and he would get it. Too long he had longed for too much.

The fog lifted slowly, but as it rose, it was no fog anymore. It felt like a weight taken off of his shoulders, as an armor he had been wearing around his heart and around his body which now left him exposed to a whole new world, a whole new sense.  
He had once met a vampire whose power was that all his senses worked in harmony. He could smell, hear, see, feel and taste music. Alec felt like all of his senses had gone together and created an entirely new sense which created a harmony in them.  
This was what freedom felt like.  
He spread his arms wide and let the freedom soar through his body, rushing him to flying over a field of possibilities, but he was quickly brought down to earth again. He remembered why he needed this freedom, and he thought of Aro, of the Volturi, and of this place as a home. But it had been a long time since Alec could use his heart, and it appeared he did not know how to read it anymore.  
Corin had never managed to make Alec feel content, it had always been Chelsea's power he could feel, and now where it had left him, he felt empty, betrayed somehow. It was easy to feel when someone took control of your feelings, but Alec's heart could not keep up. His head felt fuzzy and for the first time in his entire life as a vampire, he felt dizzy. All his impressions and feelings and thoughts of everyone and everything suddenly battled for attention, tried to settle in categories and form an opinion for him, but 1300 years worth of impressions, feelings and thoughts did not settle so fast and he laid down on the wall.

Chelsea left him there, and he did not get up before sunrise. When he left, entered the Volturi, the prison where he had to pretend nothing had changed when everything was suddenly seen in a new light, he felt oddly vulnerable, oddly human.

He stood guard all day, he feasted on the humans Heidi brought for them, but for the first time, he felt disgusted with himself over what he was doing. He had been saved and had willingly given in to pain and oblivion, not knowing if eternity would follow. But these people. They knew nothing of what was being handed to them, and they did not give this willingly. For the first time, he said sorry when he fed. It was a mutter against the throat of the person he was sitting with, and he knew they could not hear him anyway, for a mist was clouding their senses, making their last seconds peaceful. Aro did not look oddly at him, and Jane did not notice any difference as he stood with a hand on her shoulder, feeling the memories of her de-cloud. But there had never been any reason to bind him to her, so it was easily done. He easily found his care, his love for her and his protectiveness.  
It was harder when they were sent out. Chelsea argued, he could hear her when he laid in his room. She did not want him to go, but she could not explain to Aro why. She would not betray him. He felt the swell of affection in his chest and almost worried at the unnatural feeling, at the surrealism. There was no argument which would prevail though. Alec would cause fear in the creator of ravaging newborns, and he could shut the newborns down, make them easy targets. He went without complaints as it was expected of him, but he could feel the knot in his stomach.

They had come for two newborns, but when they arrived in the small Danish town, there were five. It was amazing how they could have been controlled at all, how the village was not dead and the police already on the case, but the creator had at least been smart enough to bring them to outskirts, killing those who would not be missed. Still, they had clear orders, see if the newborns could be used, kill the creator. They surrounded them easily, hiding out in a barn. The smell of blood lingered in the air, and Alec felt the thrill of a hunt humming through his veins. They moved quietly, swiftly, with deadly precision. Alec was the first one to enter the barn, the first new born falling in pain mid-jump as Jane focused on her, the second and third crashing with Felix and Demitri. Alec's power was charged by then, and the vapour fell over all five, leaving a panicked creator who clearly knew they had been coming.

"I'm controlling them, they haven't gone rogue!-" Alec's head snapped to the side, his focus on one of the newborns. A little thing she was, hardly bigger than Alec, but older when she was changed. She could almost pass as an adult, and she was fighting him. It wasn't visible, she was locked in a crouched position, but he could feel it. She peeled layers of his mist from her mind, and he reinforced them, sending them over her in waves. Her bronze hair blew softly around her face as if the power he put in it became a physical shift in the air. She still fought it, fought him. There was no fear in her, but there was a passion, a strength and an intensity he had never seen in his vampire life. Thus he found himself letting her push off his powers, and could only look at her in wonder when she did not move. Her eyes found his, and he found the same intensity there as he had felt in her mind. It was too much, too quickly. The mist shimmered, and he heard the growls of the newborns before he got a grip of the situation again. Felix stood ready to fight, but Demitri looked at Alec, who refused to meet his eyes.  
"Kill them," the order was simple, spoken softly and with a smile on his sister's lips which he recognised from right before they were changed. How she marvelled at the chance of paying back for her near-death. How could he never have seen? She did not live here and now, had never moved on from that funeral pyre. When she looked around in this barn, she saw the villagers who had burned her. She killed the creator swiftly. He was on his knees, screaming in pain when she started to move, sending her leg moving in an arc until she kicked his head right off. Dimitri and Felix were over each their new born at the same time. The girl still did nothing. She looked at Alec with eyes almost black from hunger, and he could see freckles fighting through the pallor of her skin, to cover her nose and cheeks.

Four newborns fell, and Felix moved to end the last of them when Alec felt it. That jab to his heart, a swell of compassion which made him speak. "We'll bring her to Aro." It was an order, and Felix followed instantly. He did not regret not getting to kill, did not question Alec's decision. They were like robots, all of them. Aro told them that Jane and Alec were leaders on raids, and their orders were followed without hesitation. There was no conscience, no thought to what they did. He felt disgusted once more, but this time it was overlooked.

Sophia was her name, the new born. She didn't speak to him, but he still knew what she was saying. It was not so much words in his head as a meaning in his very being, as if she could transfer her entire mindset into his body so he could understand her. She was curious, asking all kinds of questions. Never, 'where are we going?' or 'who are you?' or 'what will happen to me?'. She asked him about life as a vampire. How old was he? Had he killed many vampires? Many humans? She asked about Jane and Felix and Demitri, and Alec found himself answering. He could see the change in his fellow companions, how Felix looked over his shoulder and Demitri grew tense. He could feel Jane's wonder, her unsettlement at him answering questions they could not hear.

"Why don't you ask them?" He asked when they crossed the border to Italy, and Sophia grew quiet for some time before a clear image rose in his head. He saw things like she would, saw each mind of the people they passed as a wonderful palette of colours. But Jane and Felix and Demitri were different. They had the colours, but they were like a bleached oil painting, faded and almost like a memory. He recognised Chelsea's fog, and he grew silent for the rest of their journey.

Aro smiled when they came back to Volterra (smelling of smoke from burning down the barn), greeting Sophia with open arms as he inquired as to why she had been brought along. He was not even subtle about his question, about not caring one bit about this girl if she could not be used to his advantage. Sophia answered for herself, and Alec could hear the weak echo in his mind, wondering if anyone else could. Maybe Chelsea, whose brain was not covered by her own fog. He had expected Aro to be pleased. It was a magnificent talent, but he frowned and turned towards Alec.  
"She is of no use to us, I want her dead," he spoke in Italian. There was still a smile on his face, and Alec wondered if it was always that fake, or if he just saw it now. He stood by his sister, next to Caius' throne, and shook his head.

"She could fight my power and can bring her own mind upon someone else," he did not understand, but he still made the mistake. He should not question Aro. Aro's orders were to be followed, without hesitation, without doubt. And understanding dawned on Alec. Sophia could never be put under Chelsea's spell. Her mind was too colourful to be locked away, but it was also too dangerous for Aro to have someone who could enter his mind, who could question what they saw.

Aro's eyes were narrow, and Alec felt his world shrink. His father, his creator, the man who had protected him and saved him and cared for him was looking at him like he was an alien. It hurt, and Alec understood that 1300 years of caring, of loving, could not be removed, even if it had all been pretence. But Aro already knew. Maybe he had figured it out before, and it had just been a test, but it was clear that the leader knew that Alec had opposed him.  
Alec's lips parted, to form words he could not think of, an apology? A plea? It did not matter, the betrayal had happened, and it would be punished. "If you will not spare her, I will kill her without your help." Aro's smile was real then, small and predatory, and Alec lashed out as soon as the man moved.

Never had his power moved like that, moved so fast. It was not a mist, slowly gliding over the floor, but a wave shifting the air until it crashed against the shores of Aro's mind, blinding him completely. He deprived his master of every sense before he had taken his first step, and could not undo his work. He was frozen, locked in his position of defence for a girl he did not know. He ached with hurt and betrayal and guilt and it was all so overwhelming that his power crashed, cracking like paint on a porcelain doll, freeing his master from its grip. He knew then that he should never have requested freedom, that he was not built for his own power. He could not control it like Aro had always done, keeping it nicely in check instead of his emotions running it.

He did not fight it when he felt Aro's hand around his throat, did not close his eyes as he had always done to everything he did not like, when Aro looked at him with hatred and betrayal. All Alec could think about was the hurt, the hurt in Aro's eyes that told him that he had been cared for in all of those years, that he had never just been a weapon. The hurt within himself for ever doubting the ways of his creator, the laws of his people which he had followed for so long. "Mi dispiace padre," he whispered as his hand grabbed Aro's wrist. Red met red as he looked his creator in the eyes, the pain of knowing what he had just done clear in the depths of the red sea. He felt Sophia extend her mind to his and knew that Aro heard no echo of her soothing words.

Time had always felt like the most constant thing to Alec. For every minute sixty seconds passed, for each sixty minutes an hour passed, for each 24 hours a day passed. It never changed, any of it, but as he and Aro looked at each other, he saw what people meant when they told him it was relative. Every second seemed to stretch out years, and each of those years seemed like they did to a human, 365 days, 8760 hours, 525600 minutes, 31536000 seconds closer to death rather than just another measurement gone by, meaning nothing when you lived for eternity. At last, after what felt like earth's beginning and end had both passed, Aro lowered him to the ground and moved his hand to Alec's cheek with such gentleness, such compassion, that Alec closed his eyes again. It _hurt_ to feel, and he wondered why he had ever been interested in doing so in the first place.  
Chelsea was ordered to place the fog back on Alec's mind, to keep him in the coven, make him not step out of line, but Sophia held on. She clouded his mind with colour and wonder and intensity and Alec was blinded for a minute before Chelsea gave up. Never had she given up before. With Carlisle she had tried for years, moving slowly around his brain to keep him with them. It was from her Alec had learned the patience he had with his ability, but now not even patience would help her.

"Non avrei mai ti tradirá padre,[I will never betray you father]" Alec could not speak louder than a whisper, the words which had been a truth for as long as he could remember was now hard to even think about. He had used his powers against Aro, for Sophia, the one with the bright mind. How could he say he would never betray Aro if anything happened to her on Aro's command? So even as he spoke, he walked over to the girl, humiliated at his own failure in pledging loyalty.

Sophia's pictures became more vivid by the step, colours and shapes and feelings and memories mixing into that sixth sense Alec had felt when the fog was lifted. It played in his mind like music, tingling all his senses and making him feel alive. "Never have I asked for anything for my service. I have felt what I did repaid for the life you gave me, but give me this, Aro. Let her join us and you will never have to doubt that I will stay." He could not hear whether he spoke in Italian or English, the languages mixing in his mind like the colours of Sophia's awareness.

It took another 100 years before Alec's vision became true. Aro forgave him and he lived with the Volturi as if nothing had changed. Only, he had finally opened his eyes after being asleep for so long. Sophia stayed with him, as his mate, brightening his mind and his day for a century before she had enough. She could not take the dullness of the guard. It dulled her mind, dulled the colours and the intensity. How it hurt Alec, even when he learned how to protect his heart, the colours who seemed to all be the same told him only of pain. Like an animal trapped, and he could not let Sophia live like that.  
It was a normal day in Volterra, a normal night when his fog spread, quickly and deadly, locking everyone in position. He lifted it only from those minds where Sophia could see colour. Chelsea, Afton, Jane. His sweet sweet sister who had woken up that day in the castle. Who had realised that the villagers were no longer the threat to her family, to her and her brother, the Volturi was, as the only ones who would ever reach them. They left that day together. Chelsea and Afton walked hand in hand as a silk soft cover fell over the five of them as Afton hid them from Demitri's tracking power.

Alec mourned his loss, his sacrifice, but he knew that he had to follow his heart now where he had it back, and he found that power over others meant so little when he could take power over himself, his life, his destiny. Life was good after that. Eternity felt too short, but he did not mind feeling time like mortals did, as if it had an end.


End file.
